1. |
josephine
02:12
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2. |
boyfriend
01:34
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i am not a woman
but i feel like half a boy
put your hands inside me
make my mouth move like your little toy
girlfriend (your), girlfriend (your)
i don’t think that i could be your
girlfriend (your), girlfriend (your)
promise me you won’t call me your
girlfriend (your), girlfriend (your)
i don’t think that i could be your
girlfriend (your), girlfriend (your)
promise me you won’t call me your
call yourself a straight man (call yourself a straight man)
but i feel like half a boy (but i feel like a boy)
put your words in my mouth
playing dumb is such a convenient ploy
girlfriend (your), girlfriend (your)
i don’t think that i could be your
girlfriend (your), girlfriend (your)
promise me you won’t call me your
girlfriend (your), girlfriend (your)
i don’t think that i could be your
girlfriend (your), girlfriend (your)
promise me you won’t call me your
ooooooo(x3)
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3. |
dream song
02:34
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you’re sitting in the darkness
it’s dark and cold and darkened
a light appears before you
your body says, “go towards it”
the vision is getting clearer, now you’re
in the ocean, yes you’re in the ocean
do that thing that you do
that thing that he used to do
he used to make you turn blue
you were always small but now
you’ve got your wisdom teeth out
you’ve got your wisdom teeth out
there’s no more babies to see
and no more people to please
just the everlasting peace
you’re lying on the pavement
the scorching sun is burning
the pond is all dried up now
you’ll start again at sundown
sundown
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4. |
||||
waiting in the morning
for my eyes to open up
just another Sunday
on the way to falling in love
sleeping in your bedroom feels like
camping on the beach
i’ll be rudely awakened
by a kitten nipping gently
at my feet
but you are so much nicer than your cat
it doesn’t bother me, anyways
it’s been a while since someone
looked at me like that
i get goosebumps from your gaze
and i am cautiously obsessed with
with the feelings inside your head
a little feline fun, a water bowl
flipped out beside your
bed
ooooo (x5)
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5. |
tape interlude
00:32
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i am broke but i’m not broken
i have my goals but i don’t know their meaning
how can i tell if time’s watching me?
and if i said i was lost would you
relate to me?
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6. |
train song
02:39
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i am going to miss my train
i can’t keep waiting for you
even though i want to
i gotta stop washing my hands
till they’re cracked and they bleed
like the moth on my lamp
my heart is bruised
now i’m just like you
for better or worse
you’re just like me too
but i miss the summer
the perpetual yardsale
the children they played
how they laughed and they wailed
the sweat and the silence
of damp afternoons
i was
newly acquainted
with the ideal you
i am going to miss my train
i don’t care
i’ll just split a cab with you
i hope we get there soon
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7. |
i feel like a fool
02:37
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like the birth of a lamb
shallow pockets
the skin of a clam
i feel like a fool for falling
in love with your poetry
pay-paper, paper, papery fingers and
fickle feelings
but
like the wounded pigeon
i keep coming back to you
i know one day my wings will drag
and maybe then i’ll sing a different tune (laughter)
i feel like a fool
i feel, like a
like a fool
i feel like a fool
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8. |
wolves
03:19
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some part of me
couldn’t wait to see
the danger that befalled me
a loss of sleep
like pulling teeth
i know nobody can protect me
a mister, a mother,
a sister a brother
a poet, a painter,
gets ahold of me
and i trust myself
and i trust the earth beneath my feet
to catch me, hold me, ground me
i hope you’re fine
‘cause I’ll be in time
i wonder if you’ve thought of me
the day you left
i held my breath
with any luck
you could forget me
a mister, a mother,
a sister a brother
a haunting, a stranger,
gets it out of me
and i trust myself
and i trust the last light that’s inside of me
to keep me in good company
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9. |
hole
02:39
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i can’t watch while it’s
happening this is
simply circumstances
writing love notes as the tram hits
waiting alone with baited breath
i can’t remember your shape
ghostly, unafraid
surrender self to lines in your face
this is the cross i carry
embarrassed by your prominence
porous and disarming
i weave a wreath of my dismay.
what gets bigger the more you take away?
i’m still breathing, but only barely
what gets bigger the more you take away?
a hole
a hole
a hole
a hole
a whole, whole lot of suffering
i can’t watch while it’s (how am i supposed to love a hole)
happening this is (a hole has never done much for me)
simply circumstances (how am i supposed to love a hole)
half-baked shameful sideways glances (when everything is simply swallowed up inside me)
Oooo
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10. |
leaving the party early
03:14
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i can’t believe
that you tried to poison me
i never could tell
what you wanted with my body
you use, use, use me
you use, use, use me
waiting to be free
from this flesh, i’ll be released
i will never tell you
what i did inside my body
you use, use, use me
you use, use, use me
make myself bleed
till the angels carry me
i have to leave
so no one can have my body
you use, use, use me
you use, use, use me
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11. |
i wanna go
04:04
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way too tired to go to sleep
way too sleepy to have a dream
feel so empty; forgot to eat
feel so angry i need to scream
but what if i died as a baby
and came back as an old man?
can i recover what’s left me,
can i just be a child again?
what if we’re all without mothers
and we choose who we envy the most?
we travel without shame or pity
the day that we all become ghosts
and i wanna go back to the old house
to the old house
i wanna go back to the old house
to the old house
way too tired to go to sleep
way too sleepy to have a dream
feel so sticky, wrapped up in sheets
feel so lonely, my eyelids leak
but what if I died as a baby
and came back as a wanted man?
can i uncover what’s shaped me?
can i just become dust again?
taking the time to plant seedlings
in the places that i want to see
describing the people who made me,
and the people they wanted to be
and i wanna go back to the old house
to the old house (x4)
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12. |
perseverance
01:56
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with all my judgments and my virtues
i’m still crawling on the bed, like a
child in a nightmare, maybe
i’m the one that’s crooked.
and all the signs that point to
guarantees that i believed
they’re just wondering about me
like the day they tried to leave.
all the pictures that i’ve taken
of the people that i loved
all cut out behind the notebook that you
started thinking of. and the
time it just keeps tickin’ sticky
goosebumps on my neck
apologize for the mistakes
that i thought i had to finish.
all the while words are hanging
like the stray cat on my lawn
stuck on sandpapery tongues
finally found them but you’re gone.
perseverance on the porchswing feels like
only yesterday, but i left my
rosary in Ohio and
it’s oh-so far away
it didn’t have to feel important
like the ways we went inside.
living lonely in the bedroom
making ant farms of my pride.
making messes in the morning
drowning stressors in the sun,
if i really think about it
i could be the only one.
i could be the only one.
i could be the only one.
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Hannah Sandoz Chicago, Illinois
music that holds you while you cry
based in chicago
guitar + vox + live electronics
hannahsandoz55@gmail.com
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